I respect TONI PAYNE for posting this…Cyber bullying Must Stop

Cyber bullying: This Toke Makinwa and Linda Ikeji Issue.
Posted on December 6, 2013 by Toni Payne

Let me start by saying, we sometimes avoid those touchy subjects because we wish to avoid “drama” but Cyber Bullying is one concept it seems we are yet to get a full grasp on its consequences. Currently, in America there is a full campaign launched against bullying in general, where different celebs have been actively campaigning to stop bullying. We have seen cases of young ones committing  suicide because they couldn’t handle the bullying. I pray and hope things don’t get this far in my motherland, although I suspect it may have and we just don’t document it as much.

For the sake of time, I will try not to over talk but a lot has to be said to make my point very clear so kindly excuse the long read, (I tend to do that when im passionate about something). I know a lot keep quiet to avoid backlash but hey, it is what it is. 

There is this ”trend” of making vicious comments about others that has become popularized by certain blogs. Overtime, its now seeming like the norm, with more people appearing to see nothing wrong with it. We even have corporate brands willing to identify with such sites irrespective of the damage or harm they cause.

I have seen it happen to celebrities and non celebrities alike, some notable names being Tonto Dikeh, Dbanj, and most especially Karen Igho, just to name a few. Its like the general mentality has become, if you ever become the topic on certain blogs, get ready to either grow thick skin or have a mini heart attack. We are not all built the same so lets hope those who will still be victim, do the former.

This trend of Vicious, Nasty, Bitter comments can make your skin crawl. Yeah, nobody holy pass and I am certainly not an angel, we tease each other all the time, some of us even enjoy a bit of fashion police when we see things outright wrong but we should also know where to draw the line. I am sure we can all make our point without being outright wicked. I have seen some comments about an outfit I wore to a concert on Bella Naija that made me laugh, like, these people got jokes for days. They were not what I would have liked to hear but they were also not wicked or cruel. but I digress!

They say as a celeb you are meant to have thick skin, but in the same token, as a human being we must all set good examples for those who look up to us. Imagine having a generation of people who see nothing wrong with hurting each other all in the name of fun.

Anyways lets fast forward to why we are here. There is a blog very notable for nasty comments, in fact more people visit the blog because of its comments than its content. The blog is owned and run by a lady named Linda. Please keep in mind,  I have nothing against her, she is a hard working lady who has made a name for herself, but I also wont for the sake of status not call a spade a spade. I am not singling her out just for the sake of it, but she just happens to be the 2nd party involved in the issue I want to discuss.

I will make my case based on my observations about her blog or her (it gets confusing seeing as she approves the comments that make public view so if she wasn’t ok with it, we probably wouldn’t see it). You are probably asking yourself, as long as its not me being targeted, why should I be concerned? guess what, it is all of our business because God forbid what is being seen as “ok” now, may affect you someday.

Aside from being a simple to read source for news, overtime, the blog has grown into some sort of “haven” for anonymous commenters who wish to pour out the darkness inside them all in the name of commenting about others. They have even taken it several notches up and attack each other. Today, I saw tweets to the effect that Toke Makinwa was being attacked on a certain blog. One of the retweets took me to the source and my heart was like, something has to be said. If it changes something, fine. If it doesn’t, that’s fine too.

What I noted was that the past few days has seen blogger Linda hammer on and on about Toke’s Relationship breaking up, or posting a reference to being engaged for too long, or posting pictures of the babe calling it ”stunning” in her usual sarcastic style, and allowing her readers do the rest. When I mean “the rest” I am talking about the outright nasty, vicious, malicious comments posted about this lady from people who do not even know her.  Lets not forget some past commenters who would even claim to know the subject personally and proceed to post “personal” information about the person.. if they are lies, we do not know, but we still get to watch the defamation go on and all these are approved by the blog owner.

Toke may not say anything because she wishes to appear strong and non chalant, but damn, she isn’t made of steel and has blood in her veins and emotions like we all do. Last time I checked, most people that have been a victim of cyber bullying such as this are human too. Also, there is no age restriction on these blogs so your kids are reading and learning. To those who make these comments its “fun”, but when does fun turn into torment and emotional abuse?

Toke and I are not close friends so I have nothing to gain from defending her except calling a spade a spade. Everything beyond and above this point is my opinion and analysis of the situation. If I am wrong, my apologies in advance but I seriously doubt ill be far from the truth.

In my opinion I feel she(Linda) put Toke under the “hate” radar simply because she(Toke) made a statement on her radio show that “Linda was not a role model”. Linda took it very personal because she took to her blog to post one long epistle about bla bla bla. After that, its been Toke this, Toke that, knowing full well the type of readers she has and the type of comments it will generate (its like the same ol thing, different person).. ahh ahhh. If Toke doesn’t see Linda as a role mode, She(Toke) is entitled to her opinion and as long as she was not abusive when she said it, I see no harm in that. So why take it so personal to the point of being vindictive?

You see, the irony in the comment Toke made is that, by constantly putting her under attack from her readers, she is indirectly proving Toke right. I sure as hell would not want my child seeing someone who promotes hate as a role model and I am sure neither would you. Like I said, this trend did not start today, its been ongoing and has easily become what her blog is known for. Lets not get into the “Failed Model” comment from Tonto Dike that got Tonto 1st place “lets verbally bash her” position. At least Tonto can rest small as it seems Toke is the hot new “lets verbally bash her” in town.

If someone is having personal issues, offer words of support and move on, if she likes going to parties, free her because she is using her legs and not yours. If she wants to vlog about her life, take what you can from it and keep it moving. Try and distinct constructive comments from vicious ones. Try to distinct funny from wicked.

From the little I know about her, Toke Makinwa is a sweet lady. She is friendly, funny and down to earth so it leaves me wondering, what all these people raining hurtful abuses about her stand to gain. Even if she is not all these things, if they don’t know her personally, what do they stand to gain? You want to know the answer? Absolutely NOTHING!. They comment, laugh, and move on. To them its entertainment but to the person who is being picked on, its not close to funny. When it becomes a family member, its not close to funny. If it is your child someday, it will not be close to funny.

With that said, I hope people search their conscience before they comment. If not, no problem. We can’t see you as anonymous but God knows how its going down. Please keep in mind, I know some will try to make a mountain out of a molehill about what I just wrote no be today una don dey do am, I will not engage you so don’t waste your time.  ps:Its easy to say American blogs do it to, but I ask, why must we copy the negative

Lastly if Linda decides to post another one of her “epistles” simply because I have said something a lot of people who smile in her face and a lot of celebrities, say behind her back. Its all good, free world. I write not to offend anyone. I understand that the truth can sometimes be a bitter pill to swallow. All the same, its all love.

I have had some deep discussions about this wieht a few big name celebrities and hopefully, as the years progress, something can be done to see a big reduction in cyber bullying. Lets aspire to love more and hate less.

sorry for the long post, if there are any typos or grammatical errors, sorry for that too.  God Bless

28 comments Posted in My Thoughts and Motivational Words
28 comments

tolu
December 6, 2013 at 7:29 AM
Thumbs up Ms. Now its going to be ‘let’s bash toni’ remember ur pledge and don’t engage them.

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johnsonblingz
December 6, 2013 at 7:54 AM
Nice write up toni…. Sometimes I also visit dis blogs… And all I see is people jes giving negative comments about other people and am like “why is dis happening?” Even if the topic is like “peter just got married to lola hurray!” U wuld still ? comments like ” that lola is even a gold digger” or “peter shey na the person wey u suppose marry be that?!”. Most times my advice for the celebs or should I say the victim is that dey should just ignore and continue their life!!! I love tonto dike for that…. Though am nt a big fan of tonto… Bt I just love the way she handles this type of matters…

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Uche
December 6, 2013 at 8:24 AM
WELL SAID TP! We must stop allowing people to air their baseless vendettas anonymously on blog and stop letting bloggers using their platforms to constantly pick on one person. It is not acceptable human behavior and we all should speak out.

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Wande
December 6, 2013 at 8:44 AM
Love your post,was very refreshing Its about time someone said something about this cyber-bullying thing and the way we act like its normal in Nigeria. With this,your bashing will come soon;remember not to engage them.

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FMH
December 6, 2013 at 8:48 AM
All very well said… I hope Linda looks beyond blog traffic.. Sometimes you wonder if these comments were actually read before being approved..

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Ms.Tariah
December 6, 2013 at 1:24 PM
Well said ma’am.. I don’t know what Linda gains from bullying people. She thinks she’s the queen of sacarsm & she’s making her money but she doesn’t know its affecting the victims emotionally. And her readers, I don’t know if being negative all the time increases their life span. May God help us.

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Olumadewa
December 6, 2013 at 2:41 PM
I think you made a valid point … Bullying through whatever medium should be stopped. Linda cares so much about traffic, intentionally welcoming any kind of comment just to bring more traffic.. I respect her hustle but it should be done with decorum… Toni nice observation and great write up.

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Olubela
December 6, 2013 at 3:26 PM
Madam Toni Payne, I don’t think celebrities get bullied. They’re fair game. Celebrities are more than people, they’re corporate brands also. And the last time I checked, you can’t bully brands. Also, it’s not the government’s prerogative to monitor gossip blogs. It’s the brand’s/celebrity’s. And, I think it’s funny that you’re doing exactly what you’re talking against, placing a negative spotlight and single outing on someone else. Instead this, I think folks need to start suing Linda Ikeji.

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Toni Payne
December 6, 2013 at 6:52 PM
Fair Game? oh wow…! I think it is easy to forget that they are humans as well and have feelings just like everyone else. Its like saying, during the days of slavery that slaves do not deserve compassion because they are fair game, afterall they are slaves. What is wrong, remains wrong and last time I checked, being mean to a fellow human being irrespective of the line of work they choose is wrong. Thank you for your comment. One Love

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Taophyk
December 6, 2013 at 3:41 PM
This is great. I appreciate and love you for this. Noffin but the truth.

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Toni Payne
December 6, 2013 at 6:53 PM
Thanks to everyone for their insightful comments. We live to learn another day. Stay blessed

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Tolu
December 7, 2013 at 6:09 AM
Well,what payne did here is exactly wat she is accusing linda of doing,you did not have to single her out,dat’s very wrong. Another thing is how are u sure dat she is dissing Toke,if Toke actually said it in public dat linda is not a role model,then,dat was also wrong,you can’t just go around saying someone is not a role model,so,of linda took it personally,I won’t blame her but I believe all wat u wrote abt linda dissing makinwa is all assumptions,cus u are not sure,and I have only seen two articles abt toke and they were not bad. Anyway,u just subjected linda to d mercy of ur readers which is d same thing u are accusing her of

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Toni Payne
December 7, 2013 at 6:40 AM
Thank you for your comment. If you read carefully, I stated that it is my observation and opinion. If many share the same opinion then there must be a light bulb going off somewhere. Lastly, I have gone through all the comments here and everyone that commented has stated their points diplomatically without being caustic, rude or evil. darling, my readers are far from doing the same thing hers do. I wouldn’t approve unintelligent comments that have nothing to do with the topic but simply aim only to degrade the subject. I hope this helps. Thanks

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carol
December 7, 2013 at 12:52 PM
Well toni, I support wat tou said, u kept goin on n on abt linda leavin toke at d mercy of her reader. Seriously if linda puts up a pic of toke and say”stunning” wat makes u think she’s being sarcastic. I think here madam u r being judgemental. Toke as well as Tonto r celebrities, it all cums wit d fame. D toke stories and comments have bin goin on on oda blogs too, if u care to check. Dis bloggers have to make dere money so dnt single out 1. Not forgettin she has also made toke much more popular, nt evry1 listens to d radio u no. So it shud b counted as a blessin to Toke and nt d oda way round. Tank u. #forgive my typos#

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Toni Payne
December 7, 2013 at 2:52 PM
First off let me start by saying, if Toke was unknown she wouldn’t be a constant topic. This let’s hate Toke phenomenon generates page views and income else they probably won’t bother. 2nd you forget Nigeria isn’t the place where negative publicity is good, let’s assume more people do know her, look at what they will know her for tho. Everyone seems to have forgotten that she(toke) is a hardworking lady tryna make a GOOD name for herself and that’s because such public scrutiny without just cause can dent ur image. Is it by force for them to comment viciously? Again I ask, what purpose does it serve. I remember a while back Lindas sister came to attack me on twitter because I stated that Good or Bad I never want my gist on her blog. I don’t need nameless people using dere fingers to take attention away from who I really am just because they are in the mood to laugh. So to cap this off, she is doing no favors here, if Toke is critisized for wearing a certain outfit, dats cool. But the outright evil comments I have seen there are 200 times worse than Oshimoles Go and Die comment. Thanks for taking tme to comment, excuse my long reply and my typos as well

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Ayo
December 7, 2013 at 1:04 PM
Hmmmmm…. It’s a world of so much hate, jealousy ans self conceit. Personally, I read blogs…. Not naming any in particular, I live away from the country and it’s my way of finding out what’s going on…… Based on hatred, a lot of things written on blogs are not verified before being published. As long as it has a detriment on someone’s image, it spreads like wildfire. It’s sick!!!!!!!!!!! I feel horrible for celebrities around the world…. They are human just like we are and in my personal opinion…. It is a sign of inferiority complex to start looking for negativities in people to publish, are you trying to make the world believe you are better than them? If you are better than them…..u don’t need an avenue to discuss that…. Blogs should be entertaining, informative and educative but these days? It’s so spiteful that I would rather sit in my balcony and watch the moving cars than stoop soooooooooo low and be a part of the hate in the world.

Most bloggers leave it to their readers to use the horrible words they are thinking about……. It’s soooooo sad…… Spend more time being a better person rather than giving the world a free room to kill people verbally….. No doubt, we are all entitled to our own opinion but font sell your opinions to others. Great mind discuss success and ways to become successful and not ruining the successful

Murder comes in different forms…. Physically and verbally….. And when they commit suicide we are quick to slander them again forgetting that we murdered them.

Life is short….. Rather than attempting to ruin others…… Try to leave your own name on the sands of time. Be a Nelson Mandela to your own generation…….

SHOUT OUT! To everyone who has been publicly abused by bloggers…… It only shows you are relevant, important and more successful than they are…. If you weren’t, they won’t try to bring you down… They envy you that much….
* skips away*…..

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Ayo
December 7, 2013 at 1:08 PM
Hmmmmm…. It’s a world of so much hate, jealousy and self conceit. Personally, I read blogs…. Not naming any in particular, I live away from the country and it’s my way of finding out what’s going on…… Based on hatred, a lot of things written on blogs are not verified before being published. As long as it has a detriment on someone’s image, it spreads like wildfire. It’s sick!!!!!!!!!!! I feel horrible for celebrities around the world…. They are human just like we are and in my personal opinion…. It is a sign of inferiority complex to start looking for negativities in people to publish, are you trying to make the world believe you are better than them? If you are better than them…..u don’t need an avenue to discuss that…. Blogs should be entertaining, informative and educative but these days? It’s so spiteful that I would rather sit in my balcony and watch the moving cars than stoop soooooooooo low and be a part of the hate in the world.

Most bloggers leave it to their readers to use the horrible words they are thinking about……. It’s soooooo sad…… Spend more time being a better person rather than giving the world a free room to kill people verbally….. No doubt, we are all entitled to our own opinion but don’t sell your opinions to others. Great mind discuss success and ways to become successful and not ruining the successful

Murder comes in different forms…. Physically and verbally….. And when they commit suicide we are quick to slander them again forgetting that we murdered them.

Life is short….. Rather than attempting to ruin others…… Try to leave your own name on the sands of time. Be a Nelson Mandela to your own generation…….

SHOUT OUT! To everyone who has been publicly abused by bloggers…… It only shows you are relevant, important and more successful than they are…. If you weren’t, they won’t try to bring you down… They envy you that much….
* skips away*…..

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Jide
December 7, 2013 at 2:14 PM
Toni, I must congratulate you on your incredibly let’s ‘call-spate-a-spade’ post. What can I ‘say’ more. You have ‘said’ it all. My first time here and the first thing I noticed is that, wow, wow, wow….so commentators do have names. Its a pity that, in Nigeria we always re-define execution. I have nothing against Linda, we had our fall out over ASUU4, didn’t take it personal, but you needed to see how anonymous commentators bombarded my blog with abuses which really bothered my family. We all need to be responsible for our actions. Bloggers do influence. Its not only Linda that this message is addressed to, myself inclusive. Toni Payne, you have put out your name to write this brilliantly influencing article, I think its only fair every commentator appends his or her name to a comment.…am’ off to re-publish on my blog.

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Toni Payne
December 7, 2013 at 2:58 PM
Thanks for all your insightful comments. @Jide what worries me again is those anonymous may just be one person with too much evil in their heart and time on their hands but people reading will assume that the general consensus.
@Ayo I stopped taking guest poetry when I redefned the site altough I could make some exceptions. In respect to your 1st post, you know they say its who is wearin d shoe dat knows where it pinches, let’s hope those engaging in such will one day understand the full capacity of their actions

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Olayemi
December 7, 2013 at 5:10 PM
Toni as much as I agree with a lot of what you have said, I bet to disagree that this so call hate is only coming from Linda. Have you seen the comments under her recent pictures on bella naija? Exact same response and bella naija approved the comments as well.

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Hmmmm
December 7, 2013 at 5:34 PM
Your blog ate my last comment so I’ll summarize what I was trying to say:

1. You come off as very Anti-Linda Ikeji.
2. The whole wide web seems to generally dislike Toke. Read comments on BellaNaija, StellaDimorko, Emmy Collins, Ladun Liadi etc etc and you’ll see that it’s not just a Linda Ikeji issue. Why don’t you dedicate anti-cyber bullying posts to those blogs too?
3. Again, you single out Linda. Most of the stories re: Toke’s break-up, her 11 year old relationship etc have been on the above mentioned blogs except Emmy’s. Infact you have to give Linda some credit on this one. Stella published the gist about Toke’s aborted court wedding and Linda didn’t. I think that she’s even trying to be more diplomatic these days.
4. It’s reaching for you to insinuate that Linda or even Toke are not over that role model spat. I doubt Linda would still be targeting Toke over that little beef.
5. Last but not least, Linda will enable comments about anybody including herself. It’s her business model. So don’t make it a Toke thing or a stand against cyber bullying. I don’t think it’s that serious. When the whole world was making mean comments about people like Goldie, what happened to folks like you taking a stand against cyber bullying?

Just my 3 cents.

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Toni Payne
December 7, 2013 at 6:01 PM
To clarify what you just said, if u read my post very carefully, I stated that bullying happens on some blog, I dint say one. One of the names you mentioned above, I have had a personal experience with and know her to be as evil as they come (From my personal run in with her). However, I did not know she has also started blogging though, chances are I would never visit such a persons blog because I can just imagine what I would see there. I digress. If it was personal, that person would have been the best example to use and not Linda.
As I was saying, I clearly stated why I chose to cite Linda as an example. 1. A tweet I saw 2. She was the only one to continously post about 4 refrences to Toke in the span of 24hrs. I am not the only one who made this observation because I also noted that some of her readers questioned why all the Toke Toke Toke posts and that was the motivation… I hope this answers u.  i appreciate when people read to understand what is being stated vs reading to peruse. Bless!

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Kim
December 7, 2013 at 6:03 PM
I think Ayo has said it all. Beautiful response she has given, it is most definitely inferiority complex. Shout out to you too.
@toni, I do like the piece but I don’t think you should have directed your thoughts to her. Bloggers generally are guilty of this, the amebo bloggers. Like Ayo said, it’s hate. And I do understand why a few people may think u are team Toke and Anti Linda Ikeji.

People should be left alone to live their lives. For a long time, I hated blog followers bcos I couldn’t understand their reasons for negative comments but I am speaking from fact. More that half of those anonymous comments are from the bloggers themselves. Shameless people who can’t stand up to what they say. Such filthy cowards.

I do pray this changes though. I am off to the gym, maybe I will be in luck to meet a good looking dude who doesn’t either own a blog or is addicted to blogs. #simplelifeofmine#

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Toni Payne
December 7, 2013 at 6:12 PM
Yeah I see what you mean. Im not Anti anybody (for now haha) but you gotta admit she started the trend, others saw it was working for her and copied. I used to blog way bach as 2006, if u check my previous posts u will see refrences to Linda as a friend. This was pre her allowing negativity rule supreme on a wonderful platform. Anyways hope you find your hottie lol. Have fun working out.

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odanibe
December 7, 2013 at 6:54 PM
Ex-friend indeed!!!!!!!!; Wat happened to speaking to Linda abt it…….hmmmmm defender of the universe’voltron’;abeg na una sabi.I feel bad 4 Toke cos she doesn’t need this drama.

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Mosun
December 7, 2013 at 6:48 PM
The people saying this post is Anti-Linda, excuse you! I used to like the fact that she was making something out of her life than go into runz, I still do. But the truth is that most of her blog posts about celebrities are nothing short of cyberbullying. I read blogs a lot and would take Stella over her any day. Why? Stella states her mind bluntly and stands by it. Linda’s style is coy, and deadly. She insinuates and leaves her commenters to do the rest. All in the name of making money. She is not alone though. If you think Linda’s commenters are vicious, hateful and tribalistic as heck, a visit to NFC’s blog would cure you. One word for whoever has been cyberbullied before, ‘Whoever can’t make you, can’t break you.’ God is, and is the rewarder of all. One love.

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karyn
December 7, 2013 at 8:53 PM
Your post almost struck me as brilliant, buti dnt think these celebs take d issue as seriosly as u are taking it. Dnt 4get that 90% of what linda posts is wat these celebs make available 4 d public. It was Toke dat startd d whole engagement talk a few days b4 her bday. It’s Toke n her fiance dat decided to make wateva comments dey wanted to say to each other public. If they do not like d attention, they would keep their business quiet. I think dey like d publicity Linda gives dem so stop bothering.

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Toni Payne
December 7, 2013 at 9:39 PM
Thank you Karyn for your reply. Allow me use myself as an example. I believe as a public figure, we are entitled to our tweets, instagram pictures, facebook pages just like everyone else. You are free to use, ONLY if you report the FACTS. Let me give you a classic example of tweets being misconstrued. I walked in on a conversation about a neighbor of ours who is also a pastor who beats his pregnant wife. Not thinking anything of it, I tweeted abut it and ended it with something to the tune of any one can have sperm but it takes a real man to father. (I cant remember my exact words). Linda lifted the tweet and turned it into a free for all about 9ice and I. Some went as far as saying I should shut up because my child support wasn’t here. Nastiness. I felt bad like, wow.. where in my tweet did I say it was about me? Plus i was very clear about who I was talking about so why did she choose to ignore the full story..and again, she did it at a point when I said things about her she did not agree with.So excuse me if I feel there is a pattern there. I will not apologize for my POV. Anyways the point of this reply is that, tweets can be misconstrued however way the blogger wishes you to see it and most of the time, the readers run with it without investigating further. a simple visit to my twitter page would have gotten them the full story because I talked about the pastor before I posted that tweet. She omitted that part and took the tweet that could have been misconstrued. As I stated previously, Linda avoids any topic that has ToniPayne involved and she is smart in doing so because I seldom take it lying down. There is no beef, no issues, simple facts of life. She had the power to start cyber bullying and she has the influence to end it. Im just saying.